She was talented, athletic and beautiful.

But even so, she never lost the attractiveness of a simple girl, perhaps like one of our neighbors. When she won the 1958 Miss America pageant, Marilyn Van Derber walked the runway at an Atlantic City theater. Her reign lasted a busy year in which she made many stellar appearances. She subsequently finished her studies and began an outstanding career as a lecturer. She was the ultimate expression of self-confidence and composure. She hosted 23 television specials and served for 16 years as the female spokesperson for a famed company.

When she turned thirty-three, she Marilyn went back on stage, in order to proclaim a very different message: “Tonight I break the silence… I am going to mention the unmentionable…”, she said. She then continued her confidence: “From the age of five until I turned eighteen and left home to go to college, my father sexually abused me.”

As a motivational speaker, Marilyn had a new purpose – a passion to help other victims break their silence, rebuild their lives, and live life to the fullest. After speaking about her horrendous secret, she helped many people to speak about theirs and get over their embarrassment. But there are still many victims who live in the midst of an inner turmoil and who shed tears inside.

“My heart is aching within me, and terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come upon me, and terror has covered me.” (Psalms 55:4,5)

“If a minor is sexually abused at a young age, doesn’t time erase the memory of what happened?”

The emotional damage done to a child’s soul can last a lifetime. Even when there is no recollection of the event in memory and without understanding why, victims of sexual abuse always carry with them a very damaging low self-esteem, overwhelming shame, and a fear-based outlook on life and relationships.

“Hear my cry, for I am greatly afflicted. Deliver me from those who persecute me, because they are stronger than me. Get my soul out of prison, so that I may praise your name.” (Psalms 142:6,7)

“Does the child who was the victim of sexual abuse have promiscuity problems?”

Early sexual experiences sometimes lead to promiscuity in adolescents. But not all children react to abuse that way. However, once sexual desires are aroused, the limits to expressing sexuality can collapse. In their desire to be loved, many victims harden their hearts towards God and decide to practice promiscuity. Since they distrust God, they “look for love in the wrong place.”

“I wandered like a lost sheep.” (Psalms 119:176)

Yes it is and it is not to be alert

  • Yes… Be alert. Children are often abused by people they know.
  • Yes… Be alert. Children do not usually lie about sexual abuse.
  • Yes… Be alert. Physical abuse is often violent, but sexual abuse is not.
  • Yes… Be alert. Children may deny or change the story out of fear.
  • Yes… Be alert. Sexual abuse is progressive and will get worse if it is not stopped.
  • Don’t… deny the situation, no matter how hard it is to believe.
  • Don’t…think that because it only happened once it’s not serious.
  • Don’t… minimize abuse.
  • Don’t…let the abuser get away with it, confront him.
  • Don’t…blame other family members.
  • Don’t…let the abuse be considered a “family secret”.

“Joy is for the righteous to judge; more destruction to those who do iniquity.” (Proverbs 21:15)

Why don’t the kids say anything?

For various reasons, most children never tell anyone about the “secret” of the abuse. And when they finally do, it’s usually after many years. Why do they protect the aggressor?

  • Because of a false sense of guilt (false guilt). They come to believe that they are responsible for the abuse.
  • They feel loyalty and love for the aggressor.
  • They fear that the person listening to them will react with disbelief and denial, or with horror and condemnation.
  • They are afraid of the authority and power of the aggressor.
  • They are threatened by the aggressor.
  • They are afraid of what might happen to their attacker.
  • They feel obligated to the aggressor.
  • They feel that no one cares because no one asks them anything!

Key verse to memorize

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will make sure and not fear; because my strength and my song is JAH Jehovah, who has been salvation for me.” (Isaiah 12:2)

Key passage to read and meditate

psalms 55

What should you do?

If you suspect sexual abuse…

  • Look for a professional who has training in working with children.

To confirm or disprove your suspicions…

  • Contact children’s advocacy services and discuss your concern with them in private.

For more information (without the presence of the minor…)

  • Contact child protective services.
  • Call the police or other security force.

If the child reports the abuse…

  • Don’t make promises you can’t keep, like “your mother won’t be mad” or “the offender won’t be harmed”.
  • Explain to him that he must report to the police and prepare him for what may happen next.
  • Be ready to provide protection, request a medical exam and get professional help.

If you observe suspicious signs on the body of a minor…

  • Take the child for an immediate examination by a pediatrician or hospital emergency room so that the assault can be documented.

“We also beg you, brothers, to encourage the weak, to support the weak, to be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Discover the secret

To gain your child’s trust and open his heart, offer him loving care and the compassion that comes from the Spirit of God.

  • Ask for God’s supernatural wisdom.
  • Provide the child with a safe environment.
  • Ask the child if he feels uncomfortable or confused.
  • Listen, observe and reflect carefully.
  • Assure the minor that you believe in him.
  • Affirm that the offender is solely to blame.
  • Reassure the minor that he is not to blame.
  • Confirm that filing a complaint is the correct alternative.
  • Provide a safe environment by showing genuine love and concern.

“As deep waters is counsel in the heart of man; But the man of understanding will be reached”. (Proverbs 20:5)