Gaslighting is a type of emotional manipulation in which one person attempts to change the reality of another in order to confuse them and have greater control over them.

 

What is gaslighting: profile of the manipulator and the victim

 

Gaslighting  is not a new concept, this mechanism of emotional manipulation, which consists of making the other person think that their reality is altered and that they come to doubt their own perception, has been studied for a long time. years by psychoanalysts. This technique, which is characterized by being subtle enough to generate such confusion, is usually carried out by people who are very close to you, such as a family member or your partner, and it usually lasts a long time, exerting progressive wear based on small comments and lies

To better understand this term, we are going to refer to the plot of the American film Gasligth (1944). In it, the main character’s husband manipulates her reality, moving things around and attributing said acts to his wife or denying having had conversations together that she remembers, in order for her to believe that she has a mental problem and thus be able to keep her husband. fortune.

To a large extent, this type of emotional manipulation technique consists of persuading the other person to doubt what they see, say or do, in this way they can have greater control over them, since the victim tends to be confused. , which results in an even more remarkable dependency on his executioner

Manipulation related to projective identification

According to Dr. José Félix Rodríguez, president of the Spanish Association for the Promotion and Development of Psychotherapy (AEFDP), this manipulation is related to projective identification, a technique in which a person attributes several or one of their characteristics that another person dislikes, taking out his anger on them in order to feel better about himself.

Almost all of us have done this at some point, paying the piper with someone close, usually identified as weaker, however, this situation becomes typical of a gaslighting when it is extended over time and the level of manipulation is high, explains the expert in psychotherapy.

This manipulative behavior is typical of people with personality disorders and especially in sociopaths, people with borderline personality disorder or narcissistic people, with a high concept of themselves, who choose their victim, who usually has a submissive personality. , with low self-esteem or prone to guilt.

Consequences of gaslighting: how to prevent its effects

The main consequences of the subtle emotional manipulation known as gaslighting on the victims are several, among them the psychological discomfort that it causes, with a picture that can range from anxiety or stress to a strong feeling of guilt, that torments the person who suffers from gaslighting and that in most cases ends up leading to depression. All this destroys her self-esteem and makes her lose confidence in herself.

There are few times when the victims themselves are aware of their situation, which is why it is usually the people around them who raise the alarm and often try to open their eyes to end this emotional torture. however, the world of lies and manipulation that the

Take charge of your lives.

How to break gaslighting and avoid its emotional effects

As the psychologist José Félix Rodríguez, president of the AEFDP, explained to us, the first and most necessary thing is to realize that you are suffering this type of abuse by your partner, parents or children or co-workers, and based on that, Lean on friends and family to free yourself and leave that toxic relationship behind as soon as possible.

If it is not achieved conclusively, the best option is to go to a professional, such as a psychotherapist, who will know how to address the problem with the appropriate techniques.

In any case, to prevent gaslighting and its consequences, keep these basic tips in mind:

  • Trust yourself and your memory: no one can know your reality and your feelings better than you.
  • Avoid pursuing the approval of others: respect the opinions but have your own, fight to change other people’s opinion.
  • Surround yourself with people who make you feel good: they will help you see life differently and improve your mood, leaving behind the negative effects of gaslighting.
  • Do not let them exceed your limits: do not let them yell at you or make you feel bad.
  • Stay away from toxic people: they do not bring anything good to your life and only make you enter a loop of confusion and suffering. As difficult as it may be, look at things from an objective point of view and make the right decisions.
  • Do not let anyone decide for you: avoid having to delegate to another person for decisions that only concern you, you can ask for advice, but your judgment should always prevail.
  • Work on your self-esteem: it is the basis of everything, if we don’t have it we lose confidence in our criteria, so we will be the perfect prey for gaslighting.
  • Avoid emotional dependency: don’t delegate something as important as your happiness to another person, because then they will be the one with the greatest control over you. Take care of yourself.